Lost in the desert

As I look through my blog I realize that I've been away for a month.
It has been a busy month and my spiritual side has been neglected.
I feel like some of the Old Testament prophets who have taken the high road into the desert to escape.
What am I trying to escape?

Whenever I get to this point, the only answer I can come up with is that I am running from God.
Psalm 139 reminds me that no matter where I go, in light or darkness God knows me and all my hiding places, and He waits patiently for me to come to the realization that I have come to last night.

So why is it then that I keep making the same trek into this desert place?
Some how there is a part of me that isn't comfortable with the present relationship I have with God.
The problem, as I see it today, is that I don't trust God to "Fix " me and my problematic and sporadic self serving efforts to this relationship.

The image I get as I write this is of a child trying really hard at some menial task and doesn't allow anyone to give a helping hand.
That comes from a lifetime of being self sufficient and not allowing outside help.
I do like the coming out part of these desert experiences though, because I can look back on them and remember how patient my Creator is and continues to be toward me and my childish spirituality.
I hope that the next outing into the desert will be far in the future and not as long before I recognize the depleting effect it has on me.

Independance

These last couple of days I have had to look seriously at my independently motivated living.
With my right arm totally disabled I am having difficulty just buttoning the waistband on my pants.
I have to depend almost totally on Patricia for the basic needs of my day.
That is so foreign to me because I have been the guy that provides answers and solutions for so many people for years.
My independence has led me into a false sense of security
What am I to learn from this experience?
Reflecting on this question I am realizing the gift of having to ask someone for help.
After only one day I am coming to the realization that asking for help is the basis for truly meaningful relationships.
To allow someone the privilege of being a helping hand without making the other feel like he or she is being used has the  potential of building up the confidence and self worth of the other.
I say this from my own experience as a helping hand in need.
Today I am going to begin to let go of the neediness in me to always be the giver and try to allow someone else to be the giver in my place.
After all I think that the world I live in can function quite well without my interference.

Out of this experience I hope to learn a new truth (to me anyway).

Which one is the anchor??

This is the same tree that appears on my page top.
It is situated smack in the middle of a stream bed just below the beautiful waterfall you see in the background.
I was looking at it this morning and it occurred to me that it makes a good representation of what a relationship should look like under the care and guidance of God.
When I look at the tree with its roots hugging the rock I wonder; is the rock the anchor for the tree so that the spring waters don't uproot it and take it for a ride downstream, or is the tree holding the rock in such a manner that the swift spring water doesn't roll it downstream?
I see our relationships in like fashion. When one is in despair the other can be the anchorage that supports and sustains that one until the other can regain strength to continue on the journey.
I am fortunate that my God is a patient and benevolent God and has seen fit to grace me with many good friends on my journey. During the troubled times of my life I have been blessed with someone to share the burden that life inevitably brings, and none more present than my life partner Patricia. But equally graced is my history with opportunities to be helpful to others in need of a helping hand for their moments of disparage as life deal with them.

And so the question remains, " Which one is the anchor?"

Faith?

Yep, that's what the title says, faith.
I just watched the PBS special of Paul McCartney's Gershwin award at the congress in Washington.
He sang the song "Let it be".
I just today realized what the subject matter was about in that song.
He was singing about Mary in Luke's Gospel and her "Let it be" response to the Angel Gabriel at the annunciation.
So how much faith does it take to say "Let it be"?

I have reason to think that my "Let it be" comes a lot harder than it should be at times.
Patricia and I have taken on the instruction of two young women who wish to become Christian.
That was a daunting thought when I was first asked ( for Patricia as well, as I recall).
The question of my worthiness and skill as an instructor. What if I do something to mess them up? All those crazy things that go through one's mind when the devil is trying to discourage.
But we did say  yes and here we are.
The rewards as we progress in the instruction leaflets are many.
The bonus is that it is keeping me active in my own spiritual journey (something that I was getting slack at).
Tonight we were in the Baptism leaflet and we read about the gifts gained when becoming one in the family of God.
We also read that with these gifts comes responsibility. It didn't say how much responsibility though.
After a few months learning about our role as Christians and the responsibilities entrusted to us by our awesome creator we have developed new friendships that otherwise would have been unlikely because of the age gap.
Patricia and I are getting to spread the gospel's good news and we don't have to stand on a soap box on a street corner to do it. Now how cool is that?  : )

what's the plan for?

Have you ever noticed that some days just won't go the way you've planned.
Well this is just one of those days.
I have a philosophy on this;If things don't go according to plan maybe it's time to change the plan!

Well here I am again!


I was reading a little of Isaiah's verses 49:1-6.
Issiah reminds me that God has spent the effort to create me.
He did so for a special purpose and no other can take my place.
The puzzle of it I have to unfold as the pieces come together for me day by day.

I've been thinking lately about the sharpness of the tongue and the damage it can inflict on others and on me as well.

I am the Lord's servant in whatever way he chooses to use me.
A fact I don't often think about is that I may never see the fruit of my efforts.
It is supposed to be enough for me to know that I've tried to follow the urgings of the Spirit and given the credit to God. Often times I delude myself in thinking that It was my effort and I want the credit. Oh the child is still in me!

When I read Isaiah 49:6 I am reminded of the real presence of God in Jesus come to humanity in His ultimate act of love for His created and for me too.
Why is it so difficult to see this? My day should be all about glorifying God and his wonderful works of creation.
Oh! I just remembered that I'm still a living human being, imperfect and not sure if I should take that thought seriously.

It seems and feels like familiar territory.

There now ,that is enough thinking for one day.

Ta Ta for now.