Lost in the desert

As I look through my blog I realize that I've been away for a month.
It has been a busy month and my spiritual side has been neglected.
I feel like some of the Old Testament prophets who have taken the high road into the desert to escape.
What am I trying to escape?

Whenever I get to this point, the only answer I can come up with is that I am running from God.
Psalm 139 reminds me that no matter where I go, in light or darkness God knows me and all my hiding places, and He waits patiently for me to come to the realization that I have come to last night.

So why is it then that I keep making the same trek into this desert place?
Some how there is a part of me that isn't comfortable with the present relationship I have with God.
The problem, as I see it today, is that I don't trust God to "Fix " me and my problematic and sporadic self serving efforts to this relationship.

The image I get as I write this is of a child trying really hard at some menial task and doesn't allow anyone to give a helping hand.
That comes from a lifetime of being self sufficient and not allowing outside help.
I do like the coming out part of these desert experiences though, because I can look back on them and remember how patient my Creator is and continues to be toward me and my childish spirituality.
I hope that the next outing into the desert will be far in the future and not as long before I recognize the depleting effect it has on me.